sunday short stack

"People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy." - Bob Hope

• How Jack Handey wants to be remembered: "No one is really sure how old Jack was, but some think he may have been born as long ago as the twentieth century. He passed away after a long, courageous battle with honky-tonkin’ and alley-cattin’."
• The news that Scarlett Johansson's Tom Waits tribute may not suck is bittersweet.
• Joe Queenan takes a hard look at the "Questions for Readers" in the back of books and develops some of his own: "In describing a woman who can effortlessly turn a man into a pig, is Homer criticizing men in general? Or only sailors? Do you personally know any women like that? Are any of them named Brandi? What time does her shift end?"
• A walrus gets his dance on. So does a young Chinese man - in his livingroom - while his mother sits by knitting.