"not unpopular" with the women

This week's New Yorker has an article on my boyfriend Conor Oberst.

mcsweeney's recommends

McSweeney's has gotten into the recommending business. I don't know how much I trust Eggers & crew if they recommend Green Day (is their new album really as good as everyone is claiming?) and 50 First Dates, but they also include three of my personal favorites: edamame, Lionel Shriver's We Need to Talk About Kevin, and baby powder in your hair on days when you don't have time to shampoo. Expensive "Dry Clean Only" products are for suckers.

drunken dialing

I have to say that I have been exceptionally strong since The End about drunken dialing, but it's so good to know I now have an additional outlet to ensure its prevention.

animal kindness

One of the many sad things that happened in 2004 was that the lovely lioness pictured below succumbed to a very aggressive cancer at the age of 13. I just received a letter in the mail from Cornell University School of Veterinary Medicine letting me know that my vet clinic had made a donation to them in her name. A tribute she so deserved, but unexpected nonetheless.

it's cold as...

ice
stone
steel
iron
f*ck
hell
a witch's teat
crystal
charity
it gets
November rain
marble
a flame
a frog
a cucumber
a banker's heart
a nun's bum
the grave
Siberia

...and everyone keeps saying, "But it's so much warmer than yesterday."

true calling

Someday, I will copyedit the great American novel.

hit the road, jack

tales from the crypt

On the 6: There were two Metrocard-only full-body turnstiles available to get onto the platform. One was completely malfunctioning and the other was damaged at best. All the riders were swiping, swiping, swiping with only every fifteenth swipe getting through. After I tried my card numerous times, I allowed another man to try and his card miraculously worked. He said, "C'mon, c'mon," and we squeezed together in the space designed for one body at most, escaped the turnstile, and went our separate ways with nary a word. I don't think I'll be pressing against strangers for transportation much in LA.

On the R: From the end of the car, I heard the hauntingly dulcet tones of a blind woman who often sings for change during the rush hour commute. She is the only person to whom I always give money whenever she appears. She broke into a rendition of "Always and Forever" and when she got to the line "Every day, love me your own special way...", a teenage couple at the opposite end of the car began to sing along. All the commuters paused to see whether this was cruel chicanery and instead we were treated to a chorus of moving harmonies and unexpected beauty.

On the 6: As I entered the station, a man stood in the corner, bouncing and flicking his exposed erection as if it were the first time he had ever had one.

here's hoping

Vitality shows not only in the ability to persist, but in the ability to start over. - F. Scott Fitzgerald

more evidence that suicide is for cowards

I was very sad to hear about the train wreck in Glendale that killed 11 people and was reminded of the first time I moved to LA, scarce months after the riots erupted in 1992. The riots, along with this more recent tragedy, provided much fodder for people trying to convince me of the inherent apocalyptic nature of my future home. All I can think about, however, especially now that a copycat has attempted the same stupid stunt in Orange County, is how cowardly suicide is at its core. If you really want to die by being hit by a train, you do not encase yourself within a hard metal protective shell that has the potential to derail the train. And you certainly do not jump out and save yourself at the last minute. Pathetic.

lessons from NYC's hot 25

Last week's Time Out featured NYC's "hot 25" with the lovelicious Conor Oberst on the cover. (He looks older on the actual cover, I swear.) Now while it may be depressing to read about all the NYC hotties when you're preparing to leave lukewarm, I thought it would be an important endeavor to try to take some lessons from these upstarts.

In no particular order:

10. Start young &/or start now.
9. Appeal to a person's heart and mind.
8. Help other artists do their best work.
7. Put your finger in a few pies.
6. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.
5. Don't be in too much of a hurry.
4. Learn how to work at home.
3. Collaborate.
2. Have supportive parents &/or partners.
1. Fight your own boredom by creating a new world.

who knew?

I have the 18th best job there is! I can't wait to move up into the top 10 when I become an athlete.

Despite the irresistible allure of postsecondary education administration, I need to do the 18th best job somewhere else. I officially gave my (two months) notice on Tuesday.

never bothered

If I were reincarnated, I’d want to come back a buzzard. Nothing hates him or envies him or wants him or needs him. He is never bothered or in danger, and he can eat anything. - William Faulkner

only 65 more days...

what's it all about?

I don't know how much I'll be writing with an audience in mind, but just in case you're new:

I'm tired of living in the center of the universe, I'm a fetching 35, and I got the melancholia from a busted heart, so I'm off to the other coast for... something.

I'm going to remain anonymous for the fun of it for now, but my exhibitionist tendencies may out. I'll be living in NYC for the next two months and then driving to LA and you're welcome to join me on the journey.

ten steps

I have found that you do have only to take that one step toward the gods and they will then take ten steps toward you. - Joseph Campbell

watch out!

In your face and on your case.